Past sweetness.

As I looked back on what I had written on my blog a few years back, I noticed that my recent blog posts is seriously lacking one thing:

Sharing joy through experiences with friends, family and God.

Although there may be pictures of nature, it's still lacking on parts where I go out with z3 or the YI people, or even just simple incidences.

Most of the posts I've written are mainly poems or just thoughts.

I don't want just all these.
I want to share the joy I experienced.

And as I looked at myself now,
I feel that I'm really stressed, honestly.
Burdened with many discouraging thoughts.
I hate this feeling.
I really hate it.

Sometimes I feel that I'm so naive.
Sometimes I feel that I'm so easily manipulated.
I dislike my attitude for not being able to say 'NO', or to reject someone's offer.

I'm always so scared of making humans angry or disappointed.
Be it school friends, church friends or church leaders.

But the more I try to please, the more I get frustrated myself and bring sadness to my Mum.

WHY AM I SO FOOLISH AT TIMES?...

Maybe Mum was right after all.
Don't trust humans too much. They will fail.
"You can live without a wife. But you can never live without God."

So true.

I wanted so much to just follow God's calling,
Which is beating so strongly in my life.

But here comes all those alternate paths that people suddenly make,
And choices that I said 'yes' to although I didn't like, or that I couldn't do it.
I just simply forced myself to do things without thinking.

Someone wake me up please.
Someone please show me what is courage in making a good decision.
I'm tired of looking at 'offers' that look great but seems meaningless to me.

God, I ask for just one thing now Lord:
'Wisdom'.
Just as you gave King Solomon.

I don't wanna be someone to be rolled around by people like some bowling ball.

Father Lord, please show me the way.
Be it any darkest valley, I know that Your light will shine forth and lead me.
I need Your guidance.


I really wish to obtain back the joy that I once have.